Sometimes before I start to write I do some googling. As a science nerd, it stimulates my thinking if I am unsure about my topic. Be Slow to Judge. Judgmental. My google search this morning revealed a graphic representation of a count over time of the word, judgmental. The surprise? From the 1800s until the early 1950s, the line was basically flat; but then it begins to take a steep climb. A very steep climb. Check it out.
I’m not sure of the source of this word count, but I found myself both surprised and callously unsurprised. It does feel like we live in a world in which people are increasingly quick to judge. We are quick to make characterizations based on a narrow understanding of someone. We are quick to disparage other people and their differing views. And yet, we are infinitely complex creatures.
Our current political climate in the cultural context of our social media world makes for an easy example: take a peek at Facebook for argumentative threads by long-term friends who eventually cut off because of an opinion espoused by the other. But that political opinion is only one facet of our complexity. OK—maybe it is a bit more than just one facet—maybe it is one whole side of the jewel.
We all have parts of ourselves which are not very likeable that we work to keep under wraps around other people and even from our own self. Carl Jung, an early personality theorist, called this our ‘shadow’. A more contemporary writer and poet influenced by Jung, Robert Bly, wrote a book entitled, A Little Book on the Human Shadow. In it, Bly clarifies, “The shadow by definition is that part of ourselves that is hidden from us.” But that in no way means that we don’t act from it. When we are unaware of our shadow aspects of the self, we tend to see it reflected in others. For example, I may see myself as accepting of others, but unaware of my own tendency to also be quick to judge. I then might notice if I see someone else being judgmental and be disparaging of that person. The recovery community aptly says, “You spot it, you got it.”
To make matters worse, our brains like to act economically. We tend to make quick conclusions from multiple data points. Malcolm Gladwell explores this in his 2005 bestselling book, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. Gladwell writes about a phenomenon known as thin slicing which was identified by 2 psychology researchers at Harvard in 1992, when they performed a study on other research about how people make quick behavioral decisions based on limited information. It is thought to be a relatively unconscious process—that is, out of our awareness—hence, the “thinking without thinking.”
The problem in “thinking without thinking” is that we are easily influenced by our biases—right or wrong; good or bad. This allows the shadow parts of us an opportunity to leak out. The economic brain is one that is not expending much energy or time processing information. Quick judgments are easy but without conscious thought. It takes more time to run information through filters, things we’ve learned, or another’s perspective. Empathy requires time and energy. It is simply easier to make a quick conclusion from our own experience—through our own lens. But it can also be considered thoughtless. Literally.
The problem in “thinking without thinking” is that we are easily influenced by our biases—right or wrong; good or bad.
There are many Biblical teachings about judgment. Again, a Google search suggests that there are over 35 verses that teach lessons on not judging others “lest you be judged.” But somehow it seems that these are the very lessons we forget while we are busy being both right and self-righteous. To paraphrase, we’re so busy noticing the speck in our neighbor’s eye that we don’t see the stick in our own. It’s too easy to critique someone on their own biases than to look at our own.
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In the last, and arguably less contentious, election cycle, I was dating a man with diametrically opposite political opinions. It was very easy to butt heads on sweeping generalizations and snappy come-backs with each other. But I wanted to understand his passion and how we could be so similar in some ways and so incompatible about our candidates. It was pretty messy. I did notice that these heated discussions took off like wildfires so my way of dealing with the conflict was to slow things down until cooler heads could have a real discussion. I then would ask questions about why he thought the way he thought about his candidate. I asked about his beliefs. I asked about his social interests. I asked about his world view. I asked about his concerns on immigration. I asked about his thoughts on foreign policy. I asked about his fears. These were not short, unthinking conversations. They took a lot of effort. They required tolerance. I summoned a great deal of empathy to put myself in his shoes and then he in mine. Snap judgments were suspended. In the end, I think we were better able to understand the complexity of each other.
Suspending judgment for the sake of understanding is neither quick nor easy. And it is not limited to political discussions or judgments. It can be applied to conversations about race, gender identity, feminism, anything. It can be used in any relationships in which we quickly judge another through our own lenses. We might end up making a characterization that is not well-informed. Quite simply, we might lack empathy. Empathy demands that we take another’s perspective which requires more time and energy than a snap judgment. Our world would be a better place with more empathy and more thinking.
Suspending judgment for the sake of understanding is neither quick nor easy. -LiM2 Click To TweetSo Be Slow to Judge because Life is Messy and Life is Marvelous.